Choices...

It's been a few days, the down side to the security job, no internet access. Well that's ONE down side, paying for parking, crappy boss, low pay and currently no hours because of the crappy boss. Why can't I just find a good job, steady hours decent pay. I'm not asking for 30$ an hour but damn..
I'm feeling really discouraged right now and yesterday I did the walking tour so for 2 hours I just let my mind wander. I never thought I'd say this but I want to be married.. I want to Marry Luke. Not just anyone.. just him. We had a rough week but I think it needed to happen, too many things left unsaid and now that they are said things are great. I can't imagine my life without him now. I laugh at my self because i always made fun of my friends when they jumped in a relationship and thought it was just the one. I now know what they meant, how they felt. I just hope that all of this is my good karma coming back to me.
It's been a rough few months with everything but him. I need a job, I need to loose weight. I know I say it all the time I just lack follow through. I feel deep down in my soul that i need stability to loose weight. When I had a job, and was working a normal schedule I worked out all the time and lost weight. It's the not knowing, the random acts of food cravings, the crying that really sucks. I need a job for stability, I don't feel like my self when I'm not working. Working for the past week has felt good and now that I'm done training.. it's like back to the drawing board, and it sucks.
I need to go to bed, I will write more tomorrow....