where have I been

Well I don't know when the last time I posted was... Nothing has changed.
Still fat.
Defeated.
unemployed.
When all I'm feeling is balh.. sometimes I just don't want to talka bout it.
However...
I'm still in love.
Our house is almost fix(pretty sure i didin't post about the house flooding a week in a hotel and two + weeks of construction) we have usable kitchen again now.
My PartyGals business is picking up.
I've been riding a bike.. a real one..
I'm alive.

7 months

Today is 7 months with Luke. It's been a wonderful 7 months. I wish that I was happier all around, because it would make these feelings all the better. It's really hard for me right now to be not working. I mean I know I'm working for my dad, which is great, but he realy doesn't need me here, he doesn't need the added expense of me being here. So I feel like a mooch, I'm living with Luke, but paying the bills at the Castle, I feel like a mooch.
Some mornings I wake up and I just don't want to get out of bed. I just want to sleep and disappear. Iwent to the dr friday and got my blood crawn for my thyroid test, and now I wait. I wish it would say there was something wrong with it, but there won't be. I'm just fat, weak minded and lazy. I hate feeling this way, andy i don't even know who to talk to about it. I can'ts ay anything to Luke cause he hates it when i bad mouth my self but i can't help how I feel. I'm so incredibly lost right now.. I don't even know what todo

Blogging

So I have tried to blog a few times lately and blogger was not allowing me to do so.
Oye.
I don't even know what my last post was about... *takes a look*
Ah yes.. Mopy me was having a fat moment. I am still not feeling the best about it but I'm trying. I think a lot of it is my lack of a schedule, I need a damn job. If that would get on track other things would too.
That being said my dr wants me on 1200 calories a day.. i tried and failed bad, I just can't keep that low. I've started this week at 1800 and it's actually not so bad. Mornings are a little hard because I can't have my eggs so I don't stay full as long as I was, but my pocket book is heavy because i'm not spending 4$ a day on breakfast at thrivent. I bought a blender and I've been making smoothies.. they only keep me full for about 2 hours, eevn with the 20g of protein in the protein powder, i'm thinking about trying one without and seeing if it's helping at all.
I'm trying my best not to weigh in until monday, so that I *KNOW* if this is working or not. I've been slacking on the gym time this week, but i'm just lacking motivation. But I haven't had a drink all week *ya* going to try and limit it to a drink or 2 on friday's and saturday.
I'm taking my camera in today to see what the damage is.. the mirrior broke on it, and I need an estimate to turn into my insurance guy.

I just bought my self LMFAO tickets and I'm quite excited about it! The show is on May 25th so Happy Birthday to ME! :)

I still am head over heels in love with Luke.
I'm pretty much living there now.
I'm getting VERY hungry.. so It's time for lunch
1 baked chicken breast
1 cup romane lettuce
1/4 motz cheese
3 tablspoons of ceasar dressing...

calories to count later

<3

word of the day is fat.

I am Fat. I can't stop being fat. No matter what I do I'm fat. It's hard to change, to stop eating, to go to the gym when after 5 days there is still NO change in my weight, not even a lb to give me incentive...totally discouraged right now.
I feel.. lost.. and stupid.. and frustrated.. and empty.

6 months :)

6 months of happiness was yesterday, I had posted on FB it was 6 months of Love, he kinly reminded me it wasn't until the 1st month we said I love you.. so difficult he can be. I saw Star Wars and One for the Money this weekend, both good. I had some very yummy Cold Stone Ice Cream Cake.. see how it's all caps like that because all of those are important words.. SO YUMMY. How I missed sugar! Even 2 weeks laying low on it made it feel weird to eat it again.
So I'm going to attempt 7 days of working out this week.. Hopefully I manage this, if I can kick start it maybe I can stick to it. *crosses fingers*  So this whole no sugar thing is pretty impossible since there is sugar in everything, even milk has sugar in it! SO i'm just going to stick to no candy, Desserts on weekends and try to not drink during the week any more,.
I have an Interview on Wednesday for this skip tracer position. I really want a non office job, but what ever if I can get them to pay me 11/12 an hour then it will be worth it. But I need a job and soon. I can't think about wedding's and kids and houses until I have a stable job. Plus I can't enjoy my tax return if I don't have steady $$ lol

Weekend Recap

So I guess I've become a monday blogger, i should really work on it lol
Well I went to weight watchers and signed up on thursday, have I been following it..no. But I did read everything, I pay attention to what I'm eating. I might even sit here and count points on my breakfast. I bring it up because when I got there and i weighed in I almost cried (waitied til i got in my car) I saw a number i thought I would never ever see again. After that i started to pay attention to sugar grams and by saturday i was down almost 4 lbs. This new discovery leads me to believe that in fact I am insilin resistant, but we'll see what the scale says thursday. I can't really afford to keep going to the weekly meetings but I'm still going to try and pay attention.  I also went to the gym for 40 min yesterday. I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow, and wednesday thursday I'll get to dance class again then a weekend of fun! :)
Had a great PartyGals party on saturday with Alyssa and the Girls. Made some more t-shirts and holiday panties. Organized all of my crafts at Luke's and bought a new ww scale (which is what told me i lost weight). Next weekend I am doing a bra fit event at fashion bug (the only non anniversary v-day thing I will be doing all weekend) Hopefully I get some good leads out of it. I need to mail out some catalogs tomorrow and do some PartyGal work.
Still need a full time job, still need to work out more. I did how ever make a healthy lunch of chicken ceasar salad for lunch today, with portioned out cheese lol :)

Weekend Worries

The weekend has come and gone again. I hate how long it takes for it to be the weekend, and how quickly it's over. I had a fairly good weekend. Luke and I took turns cooking, we cleaned a bit. I had a partygals party. We saw his family for a bit. Jojo and I talked about nothing for a while. I saw underworld Awaking (which was really good) and i watched 3/4 of Abduction lol which is good.
I need to start working out i feel huge, nothing fits right. I will start my new monly goal on wednesday of no candy. I think it's going to be harder than no soda has been. I also need to stop snacking before bed. Those will be my February goals.  I'm going to breakfast with Jojo tomorrow and then I'm going to work out i'm going to try and get a whole hour in, do some weights too.
I really need a full time job so my life can get back on a schedule...
That's all I really have. Fairly boring.. I know... But it is what it is..